Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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