pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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