i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
