ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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