omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
