Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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