genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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