I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
