It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
