Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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