can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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