When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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