my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My penis needs a shock collar
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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