Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
