Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
