I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
