I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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