Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
