I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize