i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
