I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
