So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
