Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
