Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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