my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
