I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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