Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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