i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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