my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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