he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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