so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
