She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
