I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize