i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize