You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
