They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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