Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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