sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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