i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im part way to drunk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
