Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
