My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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