he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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