The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
