Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
