oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
