I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
