i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
