ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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