My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
