i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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