You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
