my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
