it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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