It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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