A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
