Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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