dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
