my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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