some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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