Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
