Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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