Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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