K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
