I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize