Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
