Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
