the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I faked an abortion last night.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
