Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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