I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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