god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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