How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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