I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
