I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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